More than 50% of mothers with babies or preschoolers
work outside the home. The main reason for working is
financial need. Some mothers return to work because
they enjoy it or need to stay up-to-date in a
fast-changing career.
The question of returning to work versus staying at home
has no easy or correct answer. The decision is one that
each mother must make based on her particular
circumstances. Children can do well either way. The
family's needs and financial security are the real
considerations.
Pros and cons for your child
If you can provide your child with a consistent
nurturing caretaker, there is no evidence that your
return to work will cause your child any harm other than
increased infections (but usually minor ones, such as
colds). Children whose mothers work outside the home
develop as well emotionally as do other children. The
mother-child bond is not weakened. Benefits for a child
whose mother works outside the home include increased
independence, responsibility, and maturity. Young
children of working mothers often have more
opportunities to learn to trust other adults and to
negotiate better with peers.
Timing the return to work
A mother needs 6 to 8 weeks at home after the birth of
her baby to recover physically from childbirth and
establish breast-feeding. A preferred maternity leave
would extend to 4 months after the birth, at which time
the mother will have developed greater confidence in her
mothering skills. In addition, by 4 months, the baby
should have formed a secure attachment to his mother and
be sleeping through the night. Some authorities suggest
that mothers should try to spend the first 2 or 3 years
of their baby's life fully involved with child-rearing,
but the advantages of this commitment remain unproven.
Unfortunately, many mothers do not have the luxury of
deciding when they will return to work. Mothers should
not feel guilty about returning to work when their
babies are 3 to 4 months old.
Child Care Resources
Types of child care
Several types of child care are available in most
communities. During the first 2 years of life, children
often do better with individual care or family day care
because they need more cuddling and personal attention.
The types of child care arrangements are (in descending
order of preference for younger infants):
Individual care in your own home
This is the preferred arrangement for infants. The
care is usually provided by a grandmother or
professional sitter. Often you will need to
advertise for a sitter in the local newspaper. The
applicant's references must be carefully checked,
especially for characteristics that are important to
you. Most professional sitters will stay in your
home just while you are gone, but some are available
as live-ins (nannies).
Individual care in someone else's home
This arrangement is very similar to the previous one
except that your child will not have the benefit of
being cared for in his or her own home. In addition,
you will need to pack diapers, bottles, and toys, as
well as transport your child to the sitter's home.
Family day care homes
In these settings, the day care provider cares for
two to six children in her home. This type of day
care is usually less expensive than center-based
care. Disadvantages are that the children do not
usually receive as much individual attention as when
they are the only child, and many of these homes are
not licensed or monitored by the state.
Center-based day care
A day care center may care for 30 or more children.
Many children do not adapt well to these large
centers until they are over 2 or 2-and-1/2 years old.
Optimally, day care centers are located at the
workplace, but this is uncommon in the U.S. Day care
centers are state-licensed and must comply with
certain standards. If you are looking for a day care
center, assemble a list of centers by asking friends
or by looking in the Yellow Pages under "Child Care"
or "Day Nurseries and Child Care." Don't make your
final decision about a child care center until you
have visited it and observed for at least half a day.
The substitute caregiver: Choosing the right person
The most important factor in choosing a child care
resource is finding a day care provider who understands
and meets children's emotional needs. Choose someone
who is warm, affectionate, and sympathetic; plays with
the children; and has a sense of humor. Look for
someone who listens to and complies with your style of
child-rearing (for example, methods of discipline or
toilet training). Form a close partnership with your
child's caregiver.
Helping your child adjust to day care
When you take your child to day care for the first day,
plan on spending that day there. Let your child
gradually reach out and become involved with the other
children and the caregiver(s). On the second day, stay
5 or 10 minutes while your child makes the transition to
interacting with the day care provider. If possible,
leave a familiar toy or security object with your child.
If the day care center is near your workplace, visit
your child during the day. When you leave your child,
do so with a cheerful attitude and let your child know
you are leaving--don't sneak away.
Don't be surprised if your child is teary on the first
days when you leave the day care provider. For the
first week, your child may talk about not wanting to
return. Remain firm in your decision and your child
will gradually adapt to the change. Some children take
as long as 1 or 2 months to adapt fully.
Caring for a sick child
The onset of illness can be a major disruption for the
mother working outside the home. Many day care homes
and centers will not care for sick children. Your
options usually are staying home with your child, having
your spouse take time off from work and stay home with
your child, or having your child stay with a friend or
relative who has agreed in advance to be a backup for
illness care. Sick-care programs for children are
springing up across the U.S. to help working parents
deal with this situation. Many of these services are
based in a special sick wing of a large day care center
or a hospital. Some agencies offer sick-care baby
sitters who will come to your home.
If your child becomes sick during the working day and
you think he needs to see a health care provider, try to
arrange for a late-afternoon appointment by calling
before 3:00 PM.
Children with a sore throat, moderate cough, runny nose,
or cold symptoms (but without a fever or breathing
difficulties) can usually stay in or return to day care.
The decision should be based mainly on how well your
child feels. Children with fevers (over 100 degrees F,
or 37.8 degrees C), chickenpox, vomiting, or diarrhea
cannot stay in a regular day care setting. Children
with a strep throat or an eye infection can usually
return after 24 hours on an antibiotic. Many child care
centers have their own rules about when a sick child
must stay at home. You should become familiar with
these rules.
Surviving Each Day as a Mother Working Outside the Home
Look for a supportive employer and workplace.
Being a mother who is working outside the home can be
harder and more stressful than being a mother who stays
home because the main caregiver and housekeeping
responsibilities are often never completely filled by
other people. To lessen the burden, consider working
only part-time if it's financially acceptable. Perhaps
you can share a job with another person, so that each of
you works 20 hours a week. Or perhaps your employer
will allow you to have a flexible schedule or to work at
least some of the time in your home. This arrangement
allows you to leave early for a soccer game or special
event at school.
Avoid sleep deprivation.
If you don't get enough sleep, nothing will seem to turn
out right. Pick a reasonable bedtime and stay with it.
Cut corners in other areas but protect your sleep time.
Prevent sleep problems by teaching your baby to put
herself to sleep.
Provide contact time with your child.
Research has shown that both the quality and quantity of
time you spend with your child are important. Try to
make breakfast a pleasant, unhurried occasion. Try to
talk with your child during the commute to and from the
child care provider with the radio off. Use the 30
minutes before bedtime to discuss the day's events with
your child at your child's pace. Set aside special
half-days on weekends to do things with your child.
Also remember that including your child in adult
activities such as shopping, cooking, washing, and home
repair is also quality time. You are providing enough
input if your child is usually happy.
Reduce your housework time.
If you can afford it, hire a housekeeper. In any case,
try to simplify your home life. A spotless house must
become a low priority. Do less cooking. On the
weekends make triple recipes and freeze leftovers. In
addition, make a date for a night out with your spouse
or a friend at least once a week. Relaxation time is
essential, not frivolous or wasteful.
Ask other family members for help.
It is imperative that spouses participate in the
housework and child care. Responsibility for these
tasks must be redistributed to prevent the mother from
becoming overworked. For example, the father can help
buy a son's clothing, take the children places, cook,
and clean the house. School-age children can also be
assigned some chores.
Watch out for feelings of guilt.
Try to understand that "Supermom" who does it all is a
myth. You can't do everything single-handedly or
perfectly. You need help and deserve help. If you have
found a good child care provider, you should feel
comfortable during the day about your child's
well-being. Despite your best efforts, your child will
sometimes cry when dropped off at child care and will
sometimes become sick. Try not to rethink your career
decision every time this happens.
Nurture yourself as an individual.
Carve out time occasionally to go out with girlfriends,
to an exercise class, to a book club or whatever makes
you feel whole again. Trade weekend child care shifts
with your spouse to free up some individual time.
Find extra help if you are a single parent.
In the U.S. today over 30% of children live in single
parent households. Using a support system from your
family, friends, and neighbors is essential. Try to find
a friend with a child close in age to yours. Share
shopping, overnight and weekend visits, baby-sitting,
and other responsibilities with your friend. Trading
services in this way will save you money. Living with
another single mother may be mutually beneficial.
Consider joining a support group for single parents.
Look for courses on survival skills for single parents
at community colleges.
This content is reviewed periodically and is subject to
change as new health information becomes available. The
information is intended to inform and educate and is not a
replacement for medical evaluation, advice, diagnosis or
treatment by a healthcare professional.
University of Minnesota Children's Hospital 
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