If your child is ill or has to go to the hospital, you may be worried about how to explain to them what will happen. It’s important for you to prepare your child. For most children, the biggest fear is the unknown. By talking to your child, you provide information that can decrease their fears about what they don’t know or understand, which may increase their ability to cope with their experience and cooperate during their hospitalization.

Use simple language that children can understand
Using simple, non-threatening words that children are familiar with will help to eliminate any misconceptions that children may have. If you don’t know if your child understands a word, ask them.

Provide only the amount of information you believe your child can handle
The age of your child may affect what information you provide. If your child is resistant to talking about their upcoming hospitalization or procedure, give them some time and try again. Timing is very important. If given too much time to think about it, some children may become more anxious. If not given enough time to think about it, children may feel rushed and not cope as well. Use the information below as a guide to talking to your child about their hospitalization or procedure.

• Toddlers (1 to 3 years)
Because toddlers do not understand the concept of time, it’s best to tell your child about their upcoming hospitalization or procedure one to two days before hand. 

• Preschoolers (4 to 5 years)
In most cases, it is appropriate to tell a preschooler about their hospitalization or procedure three to four days prior to the event

• School-age Children (6 to 12 years)
If you have enough advanced notice, you can begin preparing your school-age child one to two weeks prior to their hospitalization or procedure.

• Adolescents (13 years and older)
Your teen should be involved in the discussions and decisions about their hospitalization or procedure from the beginning.

Be honest
To build trust now and for the future, don’t mislead your child. Lying or “sugarcoating” the truth may lead to disappointment and confusion. Using soft words to tell a child what they can expect will reinforce to your child that they can trust you and the medical staff.

Relieve guilt
Children often believe that their medical problem or surgery are really punishments for “being bad.” They may not say so, but they may feel guilty and believe that they’ve brought these things on themselves. Let your child know that their medical problem is not the result of anything he or she may have done or failed to do, and that medical treatment is not a punishment, but simply a way to fix the problem.

On the other hand, if the medical problem was caused by an accident that could have been avoided if your child had obeyed safety rules, then you can certainly acknowledge the cause-and-effect relationship without making it seem like a punishment. Make sure that your child understands the reason for the rules and will be careful about them in the future.

Try to incorporate all five senses into your discussion
Most children learn best through their senses. Help them to understand their experience better by explaining how things may look, taste, feel, smell and sound. Some children may respond well to reading a book and looking at pictures about their upcoming medical experience, while other children may respond better to a hospital tour or playing with a doctor’s kit.

Provide choices
Giving your child choices helps them gain a sense of control. However, only give choices when choices are available. For example, your child may not have a choice as to whether or not they want to take their medication, but they may have a choice as to whether they would like to take it before or after their bath.

Don’t make promises
For example, don’t promise your child they will be out of the hospital by a certain day. Try instead to say “We hope to leave by…" If you are unsure about something yourself and you don’t know what to tell your child, ask your child’s medical staff for clarification.

Check your child’s understanding
Many children have misconceptions about their illness and hospitalization. To address this, ask your child what they are thinking and feeling about their procedure, hospitalization or illness and encourage them to express their feelings through talking, journaling, play or art.